By this point in the game of living on my own and abroad, I realize the reality and the challenges there are of breaking into the social system of not only a small town but a land where not only do your skin, hair color, and immigration status identify you as an outsider. This can be both a positive and a negative thing---positive because people recognize you are new and will often times be willing to help you; negative because they recognize you're not one of them and most likely just like all the rest of those pasty foreigners trucking around shouting English at them in a slow voice.
That being said, making friends while abroad is a positive experience in that regardless of your situation you will make both local and foreign connections. While abroad you're bound to meet other foreigners who are in the exact same boat as you.....thousands of miles from home without a familiar soul within their immediate surroundings until, of course, you meet them and they meet you. Assuming you're of a similar breed of people, which considering there's a certain quality involved with jumping on a plane and starting life over in a place far, far from home---bonds are foraged immediately.
The best way I can describe these types of relationships is that it is like your freshman year at college when your parents have left you at the dorms. You're disoriented, you're overwhelmed, you're new, you're trying to muddle through, but the good news is-----everyone is in the boat, it is either sink or swim, and thus you do that together. The truth is no matter how well-traveled you are, there is a certain sense of vulnerability, and of course, being human, there is a need to make social connections. So, the type of friendships that might take months or even years to forge in the USA will be forged in a series of weeks while being abroad. Some of my best friends today are people I met while studying abroad in Costa Rice as well as foreigners I met while living abroad in Spain. No matter how long we go without talking....it's just a given that there's a hot cup of tea and a comfortable sofa to crash on regardless of where either of you are in this gigantic, small world we live in.
As for friendships with the locals, firstly bear in mind most of the local people have their groups of friends established and are easily at a different place in their lives as I am and have had vastly different experiences. Living in countries where being blonde and pale skinned is an exotic commodity, male friends are risky because often the ones who express interest in spending time with you have an alternative motive. With the local females, sometimes you are a risk or a threat because they don't want their wide-eyed husbands or boyfriends looking in your directions, so it is better to keep you on the outskirts. Likewise, in my case here, the marrying age here is about 21 or 22 after they've had their first baby, of course, so for someone my age, cultural background, and my social situation---it's a whole different life ballpark. Plus, it's a small town, so people who would share the same dreams as you of the amazing outside world often times leave. So, it's more the settlers who stick around. (Being a settler isn't a bad thing at all, it's just harder to relate when you're at different places in life).
Secondly, the avenues for making friends with people aren't necessarily the same route you would go about as if you were in the states, especially considering I live in a small town where people and resources are limited. There's not a local book club to join, Meetup Groups don't exist, volunteering is usually more structured and solitary if it is a part of the local scene.... Other routes you would use, such as your colleagues, are often older than you and going about their lives, so those can often be a fluke. So, getting an "in" somewhere can be challenging in most cases.
Thirdly, 90% (or more) of the foreign people coming through are tourists. So, naturally, most people are going about their business thinking that you're just one of the many who come in swarms to get your "I heart boobies" shirt which boasts a blue-footed bird. Plus, because the strongest friendships you usually form are with people in the same boat as you, it can be a little intimidating to approach a pack of gringos/gringas chatting in English as they traipse down the street.
So, as I am a person who isn't really into superficial friendships, I would say that my closest friends are in fact exclusive to the few gringa teachers who I share the island with (Currently Emilee, previously Liz who sadly left last weekend, and hopefully in a few weeks Katie the new/old English teacher who I met in Quito when I arrived). Per "in the same boat" situation as well as proximity and likeness in job description, we have lots of reasons to interact (ie: breakfast, teaching, being next door neighbors) and lots of things in common (Emilee being from Lawrence, Katie being from New York, Liz having the same name and having traveled to Thailand) so naturally we become friends very quickly.
However, because I consider these my closest friends, that doesn't mean I don't have other social acquaintences and friends who I chatter up with when I'm out. I know a good number of people. It's a given that in a town of 6,000 people anytime I head into town I'm going to run into someone I know. At times I've hung out with my students outside of class when we run into each other on the beach, at the bar, or on the Malecon. Or, there are also foreign volunteers or wives here who I've come to know via mutual friends. So, even though I may not have a network in the same sense that I would somewhere where I was well established, it is a unique type of network where most people are open and willing to make a friend or two.
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